Farewell Jade
We mourn Jade, who passed away on Friday, November 21st 2025.
Jade was a lovable shy being, carrying a lot of sadness, yet still bringing many joyous moments to our lives.
If you would like to visit Jade's body before cremation, you can do that from Wednesday, December 3rd until Thursday, December 4th, at the mortician:
Carl Salm Bestattungen,
Andreasstraße 21,
Düsseldorf, Germany
Opening hours between 08:00 and 17:00 h.
The cremation takes place
On Monday, December 8th, 11:00 h
at Rhein-Taunus-Krematorium, Zum Dinkholder 1, 56340 Dachsenhausen
The funeral service will be at Thursday, January 22nd 2026, 11:00 h, at Waldruhestätte Meerbusch. We would like everyone who knows Jade or wants to support us in our grief to attend.
The following is her farewell letter to the community.
To everyone reading this, and to anyone hurting from me killing myself, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for the pain I’m adding onto. I’m sorry to everyone I’ve hurt in between. I’m so grateful to everyone that’s supported me and been a positive in my life, but I just...can’t keep trying to be strong enough to get through all this.
Nearly every day, even well before losing Mia, I’ve had episodes of seemingly almost every flavor of mental illness. I’m haunted by so many traumas. With aphantasia, my trauma is the only thing my brain ever lets me see. I cry and shake intensely with anxiety. There are days I hold down drugs better than food, breaking down in the kitchen. I chronically lose friends and fall apart because of BPD. I wake up crying and unable to fall back asleep, my nightmares preferable to my reality. I have days I struggle to make it home on my own when psychosis makes existing an even worse nightmare. I grieve the losses of loved ones, friends, and even headmates. Days, weeks, months, and years pass me by from depression. I can remember wanting to die as early as 10 years old. It might never have been obvious I was suffering this much, but I’m tired of having to live like this.
After immigrating back in March, and possibly even through parts of April, I still had hope. Back in May, I died. I walked off a suicide attempt I shouldn’t have survived, even having to clean myself of what our bodies purge when we die, after I had woken up in pain. My world hasn’t felt real since. I question what memories I have of the world before it.
Mia was the single best thing that has ever happened to me. We weren’t a “forbidden love” story. We didn’t enable nor pressure each other. As Mia put it, our love was “different than our want to die.” We had both. We wanted to be together, whether that was in life or in death. Mia chose death before I was ready. I wished that a life together had been possible.
There is no future without Mia that I’d ever want. There is no “rest of my life” without her. A lot of me hopes that we see each other again in the type of kinder place she hoped for, but even so, I’m prepared for there being nothing after death either. I still prefer it to starting over, dragging others down with me, and finding new traumas all over again. I’m yours, forever, Mia. You’ll always be my wife, to me. I hope we see each other again.
For the past few months, I’ve done just about everything I can to ensure that what I have left goes to those around me and those in need, and not just the rich by some default. I know it’s hard to read this now, but...it’s ok to take it. Someone should, and I’d rather it be you. I’ve also entrusted an SSD of my entire digital life to my closest remaining friend. For anyone who can’t avoid searching for more answers, I hope I left enough behind.
Even as I write this, I feel more peace than I normally do. Dying gives me more hope than trying to bring back parts of myself that no longer exist. I carry plenty of regrets, and nothing about dying is ever really “happy,” but I can say that I want this. I want to be gone. I’m so ready for it to finally be over.
Thank you to everyone that has helped me through the hardest times of my life. Thank you to everyone that has ever supported me or loved me. Please...don’t ever blame yourself or anyone else for my suicide. This is my choice. And as much as it may hurt, you owe it to yourself to not let my death be the singular thing that destroys you, either.
Stick together <3
Remember what matters.
goodbye
i love you
- jade
